エッセイを添削してください


Theme:Do you think that Japanese companies should hire more foreign workers?

There have been a lot of discussion about hiring foreign workers in Japan. I think that Japanese companies should hire more workers from foreign country for following two reasons.

Firstly, the cost of adopting foreign workers like remuneration is tend to be cheaper than that of workers native to Japan. I also think that this situation should be improved.But now, there is no way not making use of this
condition which is caused by difference of nationality to be honest.

Secondly, by hiring workers frow all over the world, employees can share their thoughts based on cultual differences and it may make new wind for the company.

In conclusion, for above mentioned two reasons, I think that Japanese companies should hire more foreign workers.

I will make corrections in capital letters so that they are easy to see. I will put three commas (,,,) where you need to add one comma so that they are easy to see.

There HAS been a lot of discussion about hiring foreign workers in Japan. I think that Japanese companies should hire more workers from foreign COUNTRIES for THE following two reasons.

Firstly, the cost of adopting foreign workers (like remuneration) TENDS to be cheaper than that of workers native to Japan. I also think that this situation should be improved.But now, there is no way OF not making use of this
condition which is caused by difference of nationality,,, to be honest.

Secondly, by hiring workers FROM all over the world, employees can share their thoughts based on CULTURAL differences,,, and it may make new wind for the company.

In conclusion, for THE above mentioned two reasons, I think that Japanese companies should hire more foreign workers.

EXTRA NOTES:

"But now, there is no way not making use of this condition which is caused by difference of nationality to be honest."

I understand what you mean, but it sounds awkward. Instead, you might say, "However, that is the current reality, so companies might as well benefit from it."

"it may make new wind for the company."

I got the idea, but this expression is not used in English. Instead, you might say, "it may cause positive change for the company."