Could you correct these sentences? I wrote a short passage about The Importance of Silence in about 100 words. I'm glad if you give me some advice.

I think that we Japanese people should value silence. That is because Japan has a traditional thinking which considers silence is important. This can be seen in the saying “Silence is something like a gold.”
However, because the globalism is spreading rapidly and communication skills are becoming more considerable, young people in Japan seem to think that being talkative occupies most part of communication skills. For working in USA or Europe, it is half a truth: It is said that Japanese people are too silent. However, in cultural areas like Japan, silence still plays an important role to make a good communication.
We should choose our behavior which culture you belong to now.

答覆

hana1120

2018年6月25日

英語 (美國)
韓語

“I think that we, as Japanese people, should value silence. The reason for this is because Japanese people has a traditional way of thinking which considers that “silence is golden.” This saying can be translated into saying that silence is just as important as gold.
However, because of globalism spreading rapidly, communication skills are becoming more considerable, young Japanese people seem to believe that talking is the most important part of communication. If someone was to work the United States or In Europe, it is only half true. In cultural areas like Japan, silence still plays an important role in good communication .”

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VoidLime

2018年6月25日

英語 (美國)
中文 (簡體) 接近流利
英語 (英國)

I would rewrite it as:
"I think that we, as Japanese people, should value silence. This is because Japan has a traditional way of thinking, where silence is considered important. This can be seen from the saying "Silence is golden" (is this the phrase you meant?).
However, the rapid spread of globalization has made people reconsider the area of communication skills. Young people in Japan seem to correlate communication skills with being talkative. This, however, cannot be said of them when working in the USA or Europe; it is said that Japanese people there are too silent. That being the case, in cultural areas like Japan, silence still plays an important role in good communication.
We should behave according to the culture we belong to."

I'm not very sure about the content in the middle and the last sentence, so I might have misinterpreted it. Do correct me if you think it's not what you're trying to say and I'll try to rephrase it!

Edit: The example above is good, too.

高評價回答者

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yuna_tuna27

2018年7月2日

日語

@hana1120 Thank you for your revision! It helps me a lot.

yuna_tuna27

2018年7月2日

日語

@VoidLime I'm sorry for my poor explanation in English...but your interpreting and what I try to say is almost the same. Thank you, it helps me a lot!